Tuesday, October 9, 2007
It is what it is
artwork by Carrie Ann Saville
(Sorry if you think this is sappy. I need to write this. Thanks for reading.)
I used to have a roommate, Betty Ann, who said , "I'd give my left ovary for...." well, everything. A hot man. A new car. A new record.
Turns out, I will soon get my chance to do the same. (How's that, PR Girls Gone Wild?)
As not to bury the lede (as we say in journalism) I am scheduled for surgery on Monday, Oct. 29. I have a golf-ball sized cyst on my left ovary. My doctor, Dr. Marisol San Inocensio, is going to tee off and slice it -- and my ovary -- in laparascopic surgery on that Monday.
Questions? Of course, I hear you Julie Boucek. And Joy and Jenn, I'm thinking, "A gallbladder is not a necessity." Why do all my surgical emergencies happen in my PR Writing class?
1. Wait. How did you figure that you had this? It was first uncovered three years ago when I had my appendix out. It was small then and soft. It's big and hard now, and it is causing some symptoms.
2. What symptoms, you ask? Well, actually, major pelvic and back pain, lower abdomenal burning, significant bloating (not glutenating bloating, either) headaches. Nausea. Toilet things not related or like anything I had pre GF.
3. When did I notice them? They've gotten worse in the past six months and more noticeable since my intestines have been healing. Dr. Catie did an ultrasound after I complained a four weeks ago, and I got the results Wednesday. Monday I called the doctor to make an earlier appointment, and when Dr. Marisol saw the ultrasound, she moved me into the office today.
4. Why then? We're waiting for my CA125 Ovarian cancer screening to come back, and making sure I don't have a high white count to do the surgery. She and I would have done it Monday, but I have too many advisees and papers. I can wait til Oct. 29.
5. But not later. The ultrasound report said to "pursue aggressively." Bless them all, they are. Bless them.
6. Wait, you said....ovarian cancer....does that mean? Well, we don't know yet. We will not know for sure until she goes in on Oct. 29. She told me, and I quote, "I'll go in, and I'll take the cyst and the ovary, and maybe the right ovary, too. But if it's cancer, I'll close you right up." The ultrasound, she said, didn't read like it is cancer, but ovarian cancer is silent and pervasive. We'll know when we know. Randy, bless that sweet man, is thinking more positive than I am, but I always front load the worry so the relief is so sweet. We're encouraged and cautious at the same time.
I've never ever had someone tell me something in my body could be cancer. That's disorienting. But I digress.
7. This is the important part to me. I believe in positive energy and prayer, and yours will be a great support. I am in the hands of brilliant doctors and Someone who knows that my work here is not yet done. The Girls Gone Wild have to graduate.
I need to be here for My Randy and for My Jeffrey and for My Daddy.
8. I repeat. My work here is not done.
9. I ain't going nowhere without a fight.
As Dana wrote on my facebook site today, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Matthew 6:27.
I like that. I claim that. Don't worry about me -- use that time usefully. Think positive. Pray. etc.
I ain't going nowhere. And thank God I know I'm not alone.
Much, much love, and remember, it is what it is. And we'll deal.